معلّمی می کردم از مقالات شمس

حیف است شرح نوشتن بر این حکایت که ظاهرش حرف است و باطن اش رمز. فقط این می گویم که اگر معلم هستید این را بخوانید، اگر معلم نیستید باز هم این را بخوانید. اگر دانشجویید این را بخوانید، اگر دانشجو نیستید باز هم این را بخوانید. اگر پدر یا مادر هستید این را بخوانید، اگر پدر یا مادر نیستید باز هم این را بخوانید. فقط، اگر خود را به ظاهر بینی و ظاهرفهمی می شناسید، هر کسی و هر چه که هستید، این را نخوانید:

 

معلّمی می کردم

 

از مقالات شمس

شمس الدّین محمد تبریزی

 

معلّمی می کردم. کودکی آوردند شوخ. دو چشم همچنین سرخ- گویی خون استی متحرّک. در آمد. «سلامٌ علیکُم، استاد. من مؤذِّنی کنم. آوازِ خوش دارم. خلیفه باشم؟ آری؟» آنجا نشست.

با پدر و مادرش شرط کردم که «اگر دست شکسته برِ شما آید، هیچ تغیّری نکنید.»

گفتند «ما را از رقّتِ فرزندی دل نمی دهد که با دستِ خود بزنیم. امّا اگر تو بکنی، بر تو هیچ ملامت نیست- خطّی بدهیم. این پسر ما را به سر دار رسانده است.»

کودکانِ مکتبِ ما همه سر فرو بردند. مشغول وار گرد می نگرد، کسی را می جوید که با او لاغ کند یا بازی. هیچ کس را نمی بیند که به او فراغت دارد. می گوید با خود که «اینها چه قومند؟» موی آن یکی را دزدیده می کِشد و آن یکی را پنهان می شکنجد.

ایشان از آن سوتر می نشینند و نمی یارند ماجرا درازتر کردن.

من خود را به آن بدادم که مرا هیچ خبر نیست. می گویم «چه بود؟ چه غلبه می کنید؟»

می گویند «هیچ، اُستا.»

آنجا، از بیرون، کسی اشارت کرد «این!»

بانگ بر زدم. او را دل از جای برفت.

نماز دیگر، پیشتر برجَست که «اکنون، من بروم اُستا به گَه تَرَک؟_ که هنوز نو اَم.»

روزِ دوم، آمد. گفتم «چه خوانده ای؟»

«تا طلاق»

گفتم «مبارک. بیا، بخوان!»

مُصحف را باز کرد پیش من، از اِشتاب، پاره ای دریده شد.

گفتم «مُصحف را چه گونه می گیری؟» یک سیلیش زدم_ تپانچه ای که بر زمین افتاد. و دیگری. و مویش را پاره پاره کردم و همه برکندم و دستهاش بخاییدم_ که خون روان شد. بستمش در فَلَق.

خواجه رئیس را که اصطلاحات بود میان ما، پنهان، آواز دادم. به شفاعت آمد، خدمت کرد و من هیچ التفات نمی کردم بر او.

این بچّه می نگرد که آه! رئیس را چنین می دارد!»

گفتم «چرا آمدی؟»

رئیس گفت «آرزوی تو داشتم، از بهرِ دیدنِ تو آمدم.»

او سخن درمی پیوندد و آن کودک به نهان گلو می گیرد، به او اشارت می کند: یعنی «شفاعت کن!»

او لب می گزد که «تا فرصت یابم!» اکنون، می گوید «من اینجا ام. این ساعت، مترس!» تا لحظه ای دیر، باشید. آن گه، گفت «این کرَّت دستوری ده تا بگشایمش!»

من خاموش.

حاصل: برداشتش حَمّال و به خانه بردند. تا هفته ای، از خانه بیرون نیامد.

روزِ دیگر، بامداد، در نماز بودم، پدر و مادرش آمدند، در پای من غلطیدند همچنین که «شُکر تو چون گزاریم؟ زنده شدیم.»

گفتم باشد که نیاید، برَهَم.

حاصل: بعدِ هفته ای، آمد. در بست و دور نشست، دزدیده_ ترسان ترسان.

خواندمش که «به جای خود بنشین!»

این بار، مصحف باز کرد به ادب و درس گرفت و می خواند_ از این همه مؤدَّب تر.

روزی چند، فراموش کرد. گفتند که «بیرون، کعب می بازد.»

کاشکی آن غَمّاز غَمّازی نکردی! اکنون، می روم و آن کودکِ غمّاز پسِ من می آید. چوبی بود که جهت ترسانیدن بود، نه جهتِ زدن، برگرفته ام.

اکنون، آن جایها را پاک کرده اند و بازی می کنند. پشتِِ او این سوی است و من می گویم «کاشکی مرا بدیدی، بگریختی!»

آن کودکان همه بیگانه اند. نمی دانند که احوال او با من چیست تا او را بگویند که «بگریز!»

آن کودک که پسِ من است، حیاتِ او رفته است، هزار رنگ می گردد و فرصت می خواهد که آن کودک سوی او نگرد تا اشارتش کند که «بگریز!»

پشتِ او این سوی است و مُستَغرَق شده است.

در پیش درآمدم که «سلامٌ عَلَیک.»

بر خاک بیفتاد. دستش لرزان شد. رنگش برفت. خشک شد.

می گویم «هلا! خیز تا برویم!»

آمدیم. به کُتّاب بردمش. بعد از آن چوب را در آب نهادم. آن خود نرم بود. چیزی شد که لاتسأل!

در فَلَق کشیدندش. کسی که دوازده کودک را بزدی، گفت «هلا! اُستا!»

یک کودک ضعیف در فَلَقش کرد و برپیچید.

خلیفه را می گویم «تو بزن!»_ که دستم درد کرد از زدن. خلیفه نیز چندی بزد. گفتم «خلیفه را بگیرید! چنین زنند!» او می نگرد. چوب برداشتم و خلیفه را بزدم و خود کودک را می زدم.

چهارم چوب، پوست پای او با چوب برخاست. چیزی از دلِ من فرو بُرید، فرو افتاد. اوّلین و دوّمین را بانگ می زد. دگر بانگ نزد.

حاصل: به خانه بردندش. تا ماهی، برون نیامد. بعد از آن، برون آمد.

مادرش می گوید «کجا می روی؟»

گفت «برِ اُستا.»

گفت «چون؟»

گفت «او خدای من است. چه جای اُستاد است؟ و من از او نَسِگُلَم، تا درِ مرگ. خدای داند که چه خواستم شدن، بر کدام دار خواستم خشک شدن، مرا به اصلاح آورد.»

پدر را و مادر را دعا می کرد که «مرا آنجا بردید!» پدر و مادر هم دعا می کردند مرا. همسایگان دستها برداشته، دعا می کردند که «یکی فدایی بود که نه خُرد را و نه بزرگ را می گذاشت. شاهِ شهر اگر گفتی، دشنام دادی و سنگ انداختی.»

چنان دلیر، چنان که کسی صد خون کرده بود لااُبالی شده، باری آمد از همه باادب تر و باخِرَدتر. هر که با او اشارت می کند، دست بر دهان می نهد به اشارت که «خاموش!»

حاصل: در مدّتِ اندک، همه ی «قرآن» او را تلقین کردم. و بانگِ نماز می کرد به آواز خوش.

غیرِ این دوبار، دگر حاجت نیامد، خلیفه شد.

 

آغاز کرد در آن مَجمَع، «قرآن» خواندن.

پدرش خیره ماند. می گوید «تو پسرِ منی؟»

می گوید «آ ری.»

می گوید «تا نیک بنگرمت!»

می گوید «نیکو بنگر!»

مادر، آن سو، نعره زد و افتاد_ که کنیزک بوده و اکنونش ده کنیزک پیشش ایستاده بود.

عوضِ دویست، پانصد درم از او به من رسید. هر چند گفت که «در این خانه ی ما بخُسب،» گفتم که «محلّه تهمت نهند.» زن باجمال و پسر باجمال. من البته گفتم «نخواهم_ که تهمت نهند.»

گفت «تهمتِ چه؟ که باشند مردمان؟»

 

نکته:

با این که نمی خواستم بیش از آن چند سطر ابتدایی چیزی درباره ی این اثر بنویسم به درخواست دوستی احترام گذاشته و  یکی از برداشت های ممکن از حکایت شمس را برایتان عرض می کنم. مشخص است که شمس  تنها درباره ی رابطه ی معلم و شاگردی ننوشته است. با نگاه به آیاتی از قرآن مجید  می خواهم یکی از زوایایی را که از آن می توان به این اثز نگاه کرد برای شما مثال بزنم. در سوره ی مائده آیه ی 118 قرآن مجید عیسی(ع) خطاب به خدا در مورد پیروان خود می فرماید: اگر آنان را عذاب کنی، بندگان تو هستند و اگر آنان را بیامرزی، تو پیروزمند و حکیمی.

اگر به دو آیه پیش تر از این نیز نگاه کنید می خوانید که «خدا به عیسی بن مریم گفت: آیا تو به مردم گفتی که مرا و مادرم را سوای الله به خدایی گیرید؟ گفت: به پاکی یاد می کنم تو را نسزد مرا چیزی گویم که نه شایسته ی آن باشم اگر من چنین گفته بودم تو خود می دانستی زیرا به آنچه در ضمیر من می گذرد دانایی و من از آنچه در ذات تو است بی خبرم زیرا تو داناترین کسان به غیب هستی.(5:116) من به آنان جز آنچه تو فرمانم داده بودی نگفتم. گفتم که الله، پروردگار مرا و پروردگار خود را بپرستید و من تا در میانشان بودم نگهبان عقیدتشان بودم و چون مرا میرانیدی تو  خود نکهبان عقیدتشان گشتی و تو بر هر چیزی آگاهی.(5:117) به نظر می رسد رابطه ی شمس با شاگردش فراتر از رابطه ی معلم و شاگردی شده است. درست همان چیزی شده است که در کلام مولانا تجلی پیدا کرده است: پیر من و مراد من، درد من و دوای من فاش بگفتم این سخن، شمس من و خدای من

اگر به جملات پایانی شمس توجه کنید متوجه می شوید که او هم مانند عیسی(ع) از برداشت مردم واهمه دارد. در حقیقت،  او را در جایی نشانده اند که خود نمی خواهد. امّا، از سویی این فرمان خداست که بندگانش همان گونه که از او اطاعت می کنند، از رسول و اولیای امری که از جانب او معرفی شده اند اطاعت کنند. هر کس به سلیقه ی خود معادله ای برای میزان این اطاعت ها می نویسد. شمس هم معادله ای نوشته است. محاسبه اش با شما!.

 

 

لطیفه های انگلیسی برای درک متن زبان خارجی عمومی

 

 لطیفه های انگلیسی برای درک متن زبان خارجی عمومی

Being Alone

Mr. Johnson was a rich man. He lived in a beautiful house in the country with lots of servants, but his wife was dead, and he did not have any children.

Then he died suddenly, and people said, "His servants killed him, because they wanted his money."

But the servants said,"No, he killed himself."

The police came and asked the servants a lot of questions, and after a few weeks, there was a big trial. There were too famous lawyers and several important witnesses.

"Tell me," one of the lawyers said to a witness one day, "did Mr. Johnson often talked to himself when he was alone?"

"I don't know," the witness answered at once.

"You don't know?" the lawyer repeated angrily. "You don't know? But you where his best friend, weren't you? Why don't you know?"

"Because I was never with him when he was alone," the witness answered.

Where Am I?

Nath lived in a small town in England. He always stayed in England for his holidays, but then last year he thought, "I've never been outside this country. All my friends go to Spain, and they like it very much, so this year I'm going to go there too."

First he went to Madrid and stayed in a small hotel for a few days. On the first morning he went out for a walk. In England people drive on the left, but in Spain they drive on the right. Nat forgot about this, and while he was crossing a busy street, a bicycle knocked him down.

Nath lay on the ground for a few seconds and then he sat up and said,"Where am I?"

An old man was selling maps at the side of the street, and he at once came to Nat and said, "Maps of the city, sir?"

 Sammy and Anny

Mrs. Peters had two children. Sammy was seven years old, and his sister Anny was four. Sammy went to school, but Anny did not. When Sammy was at home, he often played with Anny while their mother was cooking or washing or cleaning and he was usually very nice to his small sister, and Mrs. Peters was free to do her work quietly.

One Saturday morning, the two children were playing in the garden while their mother was cooking the launch. They were quite happy until Anny suddenly began to cry and ran into the kitchen to her mother.

Mrs. Peters stop cooking and said, "Why are you crying any?"

Sammy 's broken my toy horse," she answered, crying more loudly.

"How did he break it?" her mother asked

Anny stop crying, but did not answer for a few seconds. And then she said, "I hit him on the head with it."

Weight

A long time ago, when airplanes were not very big or strong yet, all passengers had to be weighed with their luggage, so that planes did not have to carry more than it was safe to carry. Then later, when airplanes became bigger and stronger, only the luggage had to be weighed; and now very often, the luggage has to be measured instead of being weighed, because size is more important to the airlines than weight. Airplanes are so big and strong now, that they can carry almost any weight.

But before a passenger can travel by Hawaiian airlines, he or she still has to be weighed. Once when one fat man was asked by the airlines' clerk how much he weighed, he thought for a few seconds and then said to her: "With or without my clothes?"

"Well, sir," the girl answered, "how are you planning to travel?"

Lecture

During the Second World War it was difficult to travel by plane, because the seats were needed for important government and army people.

Mr. Brown worked for the government during the war. He was a civilian, and he was doing very secret work, so nobody was allowed to know how important he was except a very few people.

One day he had to fly to Edinburgh to give a lecture to a few top people there, but an important officer came to the airport at the last minute, and Mr. Brown's seat was given to him, so he was not able to fly to the city to give his lecture.

It was not until he reached the city that the important officer discovered that the man whose seat he had taken was the one whose lecture he had flown to the city to hear.

Old Girls

Helen lived with her sister married. Both of them where about seventy five years old, and neither of them had ever married. They had a small, old car, and when they wanted to go somewhere, which they did very rarely, Mary always drove, because her eyes were better.

One weekend they drove to a large town to look at some things which they had read about in the newspaper. Neither of them had been to that town before.

They were driving along in a lot of traffic when they turned right into a street which cars were not allowed to go into. There was a policeman there, and he blew his whistle, but Mary did not stop, so he got on to his motorcycle and follow them.

After he had ordered them to stop, he said,"Didn't you hear me blow my whistle?

"Yes. we did," admitted Mary politely, "but Mummy told us never to stop when men whistle at us."

Poor Family

Jim was intelligent, but he hated hard work. He said, "You work hard, and earn a lot of money, and then the government takes most of it. I want easy work that gives me lots of money and that the government doesn't know about.

So we became a thief, but he did not do the stealing: he got others to do it. They were much less intelligent than he was, so he arranged everything and told them what to do.

One day they were looking for rich families to rob, and Jim sent one of them to a large beautiful house just outside the town.

It was evening, and when the man looked through one of the windows, he saw a young man and a girl playing a duet on a piano.

When he went back to Jim, he said, "That family can't have much money. Two people were playing on the same piano there."

Clever Doctor

Henry was from the United States and he had come to London for a holiday.

One day he was not feeling well, so he went to the clerk at the desk of his hotel and said, "I want to see a doctor. Can you give me the name of a good one?"

The clerk looked in a book and then said, "Dr. Kenneth Gray 61 01 0."

Henry said, "Thank you very much. Is he expensive?"

"Well," the clerk answered, "he always charges his patients two pounds for their first visit to him and one and a half pound for later visits.

Henry decided to save a half pound so when he went to see the doctor, he said, "I'm coming again, doctor."

For a few seconds the doctor looked at his face carefully without saying anything. Then he nodded and said, "Oh, yes." He examined him and then said, "Everything is going as it should do. Just continue with the medicine I gave you last time."

لطیفه های انگلیسی برای درک متن زبان پیش دانشگاهی

لطيفه هاي کوتاه براي درک متن زبان پيش دانشگاهي

Laughter

Mary was an English girl, but she lived in Rome. She was six years old. Last year her mother said to her, "You are six years old now, Mary, and you're going to begin going to school here. You're going to like it very much, because it's a nice school."

"Is it an English school?" Mary asked

"Yes it is," her mother said.

Mary went to the school and enjoyed her lessons. Her mother always took her to school in the morning and brought her home in the afternoon. Last Monday her mother went to the school at 4 o'clock, and Mary ran out of her class.

"We've got a new girl in our class today, Mummy," she said. "She is six years old too, and she's very nice, but she isn't English. She is German."

"Does she speak English?" Mary's mother asked.

"No, but she laughs in English," Mary said happily.

Getting into the Car

Fred works in a factory. He does not have a wife, and he gets quite a lot of money. He loves cars, and has a new one every year. He likes driving very fast, and he always buys small, fast, red cars. He sometimes takes his mother out in them, and then she always says, "But, Fred, why did you drive these cars? We're almost sitting on the road!"

Then Fred laughs and is happy. He likes being very near the road. Fred is very tall and very fat. Last week he came out of the shop and went to his car. There was a small boy near it. He was looking at the beautiful red car. Then he looked up and saw Fred.

"How do you get into that small car?" he asked him.

Fred laughed and said, "I don't get into it. I put it on."

Round Eyes

Two old gentlemen lived in a quiet street in Paris. They were friends and neighbors, and they often went for walks together in the streets when the weather was fine. Last Saturday they went for walks at the side of the river. The sun shone, the weather was warm, there were a lot of flowers everywhere, and there were boats on the water. The two men walked happily for half an hour, and then one of them said to the other, "That's a very beautiful girl."

"Where can you see a beautiful girl?" said the other. "I can't see one anywhere. I can see two young men. They're walking towards us," said the first man quietly.

"But how can you see her then?" asked his friend.

The first man smiled and said, "I can't see her, but I can see the young man's eyes."

The Real Price

Mr. White has a small shop in the middle of our town, and he sells pictures in it. They are not expensive ones, but some of them are quite pretty. Last Saturday a woman came into the shop and look at a lot of pictures. Then she took Mr. White to one of them and said, "How much do you want for this one?" It was a picture of horses in a field.

Mr. White looked at it for a few seconds and then went and brought his book. He opened it, and looked at the first page and then said, "I want twenty pounds for that one"

The woman shut her eyes for a few seconds and then said, "I can give you two pounds for it."

"Two pounds?" Mr. White said angrily. "Two pounds? But the canvas cost more than two pounds."

"Oh, but it was clean then," the woman said.

The Singer

Mr. Edwards likes singing very much, but he is very bad at it. He went to dinner at a friend's house last week, and there where some other guests there too. They had a good dinner, and then the hostess went to Mr. Edwards and said, "You can sing, Peter. Please sing us something."

Mr. Edwards was very happy, and began to sing an old song about the mountains of Spain. The guests listened to it for a few minutes and then one of the guests began to cry. She was a small woman and had dark hair and very dark eyes. One the other guests went to her, put his hand on her back and said, "Please don't cry. Are you Spanish?"

Another young man asked, "Do you love Spain?"

"No," She answered, "I'm not Spanish, I've never been to Spain. I'm a singer, and I love music!"

Silly

George is a young man. He does not have a wife, but he has a very big dog_and he has a very small car too. He likes playing tennis. Last Monday he played tennis for an hour at his club, and then he ran out and jumped into a car. His dog came after him, but it did not jump into the same car; it jumped into the next one.

"Come here, silly dog!" George shouted at it but the dog stayed in the other car. George put his key into the lock of the car, but the key did not turn. Then he looked at the car again, it was not his! He was in the wrong car! And the dog was in the right one!

"He's sitting and laughing at me!" George said angrily. But then he smiled and got into his car with the dog.