The Rules of People: Part 9

The Rules of People: Part 9

 

از اینجا به بعد با قواعدی سر و کار داریم که  باید هنگام برخورد با آدم های سرسخت رعایت کنیم. باید حالِ این جور آدم ها را که سر و کله زدن با آنها دشوار است مراعات کنیم، تا میانه مان به هم نخورد. هر کسی ممکن است وقتی که اوضاع خراب است و بر وفق مرادش نیست اختیارش دست خودش نباشد. کمی یا شاید خیلی زیاد گوشت تلخی کند. اما، اگر شما اختیار خودتان را از دست ندهید، جای امیدواری هست. شما باید به هر ترتیبی و با هر ترفندی که شده اوضاع را به دست بگیرید. قواعدی که در پی می آید به شما کمک می کند تا این کار را خیلی اصولی و قاعده مند انجام دهید:

 

80.There’s only one person you can change. Your reaction is your stuff.

81.It’s scary being controlled. They’re trapped and they don’t know how to get out.

82.If they feel small, they’ll big themselves up. I’ve encountered a lot of bullies over the years, but I can’t recall a truly happy one.

83.Shouty people want to be heard. It’s a good rule of thumb that any time someone raises their voice to you, they think you’re not listening.

84.Negative people can’t help be useful. You need someone to help you spot the problems before they happen.

85.Control freaks know they’re right. The only person who can unmake a control freak is themselves.

86.Blackmailers want to control you. Emotional blackmailers are trying to make you take responsibility for their emotional well-being.

87.Insecurity can cause mistrust. If they have self-esteem, they’ll stop needing the trapping of success.

88.Prejudice comes from ignorance. Their prejudice says a great deal about them and nothing about you.

89.Martyrs crave recognition. Giving them the response they crave just feeds their addiction.

90.Sensitive people can’t toughen up. The tiniest criticism can be taken to heart and dwelt on for ages.

91.People will listen if it’s in their interest. There will be a reason they’re not listening, so work out what it is.

92.Passive-aggressive people fear conflict. Acknowledge to yourself that this is aggressive behavior, however well camouflaged.

93.Patronising can be accidental. A classic way of patronizing someone is to praise them for something that doesn’t warrant it.

94.You can’t be a true narcissist. They aren’t interested in what they can do for you, only in what you can do for them.

95.Moaners don’t want to change. Get them to focus on the solution.

96.Competitive complainers don’t just need a whinge. Their motivation is not the same as that of the persistent moaners.

97.Secrets are full of power. You know there’s something they’re not telling you but you have no idea what it is.

98.Some people just can’t lose. Not only must they do well, but they also need you to do less well.

99.Manipulation is more than just persuasion. Learn to believe in your own take on the situation, and not theirs.

100.Busy people are less trouble. A project gives them something to focus on other than winding you up.

 

The Rules of People: Part 8

The Rules of People: Part 8

 

71.Agree without agreeing. There’s no way to present the opposite view without starting an argument.

72.Let them win. Everyone wants to win. Simple, really.

73.Make it three-dimensional. Work out which victories are most important to them, and which ones you really need to clinch.

74.Give and take. It’s important to be generous. But no one wants to be a sucker.

75.Know what you both want. You can’t be confident. You’ll come out of the discussion successfully unless you know what constitutes success.

76.Get all their cards on the table. People can be slippery, especially when they want something they’re not sure they’re going to get.

77.Give them a get-out. You have to look after their feelings if you want to come out of this with a good deal.

78.Never be scared. If they can see they’ve got you on the run, that no deal would be worse for you than any deal, they’ve got you over a barrel.

79.Don’t get caught on the hop. You don’t have to tell the other person you’re on to them.

 

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The Rules of People: Part 7

The Rules of People: Part 7

 

60.Make individual relationships. It’s a great feeling when you find a link with someone.

61.Turn the best side to the front. Most of us have to make a conscious effort. At least until we get used to it.

62.People generally agree with themselves. There are two parts to every project: The destination, and the route you take to get there.

63.Credit people with your own ideas. Once you give someone credit for an idea, it’s very hard for them to say, ‘That wasn’t my idea.’

64.Don’t tell them they’re wrong (even if they are). Sidle up to them and gently steer them in a better direction.

65.Get them to collaborate. Set collective goals rather than individual ones.

66.Be human. It doesn’t make sense to come across as needing no one and nothing.

67.Share! You need to involve people in order to motivate them.

68.Say thank you properly. They know what they did, but they don’t know what you valued unless you tell them.

69.Get under their skin. I enjoy the challenge of figuring out how to make a particular person feel good.

70.Criticise constructively. If they can’t do anything about it, don’t pass comment.

 

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